Muscle memory

LAST UPDATED AUGUST 3, 2023

I get in the habit of repeating these triusms and stories to myself and others

I repeat them so much that they even start to manifest

I repeat them so much that some of them make it to these pages

One such story, is the story of opening up

I’ve proselytized that opening up was a practice

That if I did not continue practicing I would close off

I still believe this is true

AND

These realizations I repeat can be a crutch

A mantra that is programmed to go off and make interactions run smoothly

and then when I start closing up I am shocked.

I went out and met new people! I went out of my comfort zone.

I tried something new.

The audacity

I thought once I made a decision, my life would begin to ascend in a straight line

That once I opened one door, ten more would open

We all meditate on certain ideas

There’s nothing wrong with that

But for someone in the business of opening up, repeating the same old tired line to a new group of people can begin to ring pretty hollow

I don’t mean to be too hard on myself.

There is inevitably some sort of continuity of thought from one moment to the next

But there is also a tight rope I am striving to walk

A narrow path of truth from which I will try not stray

Being in the moment

And instead of whipping out a canned response

Feeling out the moment

And letting myself pour out into the situation

Letting myself be

And it might get uncomfortable

And